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告别雅思低分泥沼

雅思中国网 2016-02-27 10:27

  中国国际教育网讯:很多的备考雅思的筒子都在学习Simon的范文,他的范文走的是完全的平民路线,看其遣词造句,貌似平平,其实是大有丘壑,有我们这些为了雅思写作7分都在苦苦求索的人所不具有的用最精简的用词,最少的篇幅讲明白一个观点的大能力。他的范文也是很多真的懂雅思写作的老师唯一推荐的材料。

  但是,很多同学反应,背了很多范文,甚至还模仿了很多篇,仍然没有效果,为什么?

  原因是,考官不是non-native speaker, 他们不了解你们的最大问题 是“ 逻辑”+“ 词组”

  这一点从Simon对于这篇9分范文的分析就可以看出:

  Topic:In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

  sample essay:In recent years it has become far more normal for people to live alone, particularly in large cities in the developed world. In my opinion, this trend is having both positive and negative consequences in equal measure.

  The rise in one-person households can be seen as positive for both personal and broader economic reasons. On an individual level, people who choose to live alone may become more independent and self-reliant than those who live with family members. A young adult who lives alone, for example, will need to learn to cook, clean, pay bills and manage his or her budget, all of which are valuable life skills. From an economic perspective, the trend towards living alone will result in greater demand for housing. This is likely to benefit the construction industry, estate agents and a whole host of other companies that rely on homeowners to buy their products or services.

  However, the personal and economic arguments given above can be considered from the opposite angle. Firstly, rather than the positive feeling of increased independence, people who live alone may experience feelings of loneliness, isolation and worry. They miss out on the emotional support and daily conversation that family or flatmates can provide, and they must bear the weight of all household bills and responsibilities; in this sense, perhaps the trend towards living alone is a negative one. Secondly, from the financial point of view, a rise in demand for housing is likely to push up property prices and rents. While this may benefit some businesses, the general population, including those who live alone, will be faced with rising living costs.

  In conclusion, the increase in one-person households will have both beneficial and detrimental effects on individuals and on the economy.

  Simon 自己对于范文的分析: Band 9

  Coherence and cohesion

  Ideas are presented in a logical and organised way.

  Cohesive devices (linking) are used in an effective but subtle way - they help with the development of ideas, but do not overshadow those ideas.

  你能看出上面分析的问题吗?我们只看下面的句子

  “ ideas are presented in a logical and organised way”

  请问,哪一个句子叫做 ” organizsed in a logical way”?怎么样写就不logical?你可以回答这个问题吗?

  Simon材料唯一的缺陷就是,不具体,没有把“ logical way” 在文中的具体体现,举例子说明。这样对于non-native speaker 来说,是很难理解的。

  下面是我对于logical 的分析:

  第二个段落的 Topic sentence:

  包括了该段落两个分论点的概括: personal and broader economic reasons

  第二个段落的第二个句子:用abc 词组论证论点:

  ( Simon 只给出了2个词组,我一般会给出3个)

  People who choose to live alone may become more independent and self-reliant than those who live with family members.

  a: live alone

  b: more independent and self-reliant

  a动作发生,然后才有b动作发生

  这样的时间顺序,叫做“ logical way”

  用例子来论证abc词组:

  A young adult who lives alone, for example, will need to learn to cook, clean, pay bills and manage his or her budget, all of which are valuable life skills.

  例子中的abc都是上面论点中abc的具体体现

  a: live alone = a young adult who lives alone ( 将人物具体化)

  b: independent=learn to cook, clean, pay bills and mange budget ( 将独立做的事情具体化)

  这样解释以后,你有没有对” logical way” 有了更“具体” 的认识?

  所以, 你现在知道为什么简单的背诵范文不能提高写作了吗?

  原因: 我们都不是native speaker

  1. native speaker 本来就比我们更懂得怎样organise ideas logically ,

  然而东方人本来就不习惯“逻辑思维”

  所谓逻辑就是把事物的因果关系,按照时间的先后顺序排列

  2. native speaker 是不需要花时间背诵词组的。

  所以,你们会发现,Simon的每一个文章,都用了不一样的词组,虽然写作风格都是很简洁的,

  但是你们根本无法模仿。因为,你们没有“ 料” 。

  非 Native speaker 是很容易模仿的,但是我们需要的是“ 词组” 需要的是明确的“逻辑”

  怎样克服这个困难?

  你们需要像我上面一样的去分析Simon 的满分范文,

  问自己“ What does “ logical way” “ look like in this essay.

  这样我们才可以更有效的模仿

  学习范文的另外一个问题是,

  Simon 不会告诉你Step by Step 的复习方法,

  所以我们只知道一个9分作文的成品,

  不知道怎样模仿,才可以做到写出一样的文章。

  总结,模仿,逻辑,词组,这是就是一个自学的烤鸭能最大化利用simon满分作文的正确方法。祝脱离雅思写作低分泥沼。

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